"This Goes Out to All My Baby Mamas": The role of doula explained through Black Girlhood Spirituality
I am a trained labor and delivery doula and I will let anyone who will listen know that being a doula is the job I didn’t know I needed to do.
June 2017 I was sitting poolside at my family’s vacation when I received a text from one of my colleagues that I knew from graduate school. In our text exchange she shared with me her exciting news, she and her husband were pregnant. I congratulated her and asked her to let me know if she needed anything. All the while, during this exchange, I was thinking to myself that our relationship was not close enough where I was above learning about her exciting new news via facebook status. She followed up with the ask that changed me forever, for the better, “will you be my doula?” I quickly followed up and told her maybe she misheard me in an introduction of myself, but I was not a doula. She confirmed she knew, but thought her education as a doula and my spirit was what she would need to bring her baby earthside.
I was blown away that I was showing up in the world in such a way that this client saw me as a vessel that could aid her as she transcended physical realms. I guess the “grandma spirit thing” I have going on wasn’t so bad after all and I could put it to good use. I agreed to be her doula, after I consulted with a member of the board of directors of my life (lol).
Let me backup a little bit and define what a doula is for those who may not know. A doula is a person who provides educational, emotional, and physical support to birthing people. Doulas go through a training and certification process that educates them on the birthing process, various techniques that might provide comfort during labor, some lactation information, and some postpartum information. There are doulas who work in different capacities such as doulas who support families during a loved one’s deaths and abortions. Most common are the labor and delivery doula and the postpartum doula who support families by tending to their babies during the night once the families get home. Typically, families are able to contract a labor and delivery doula and or postpartum doula on their own or through their hospital. The costs range based on the services provided and some insurance companies and plans may provide coverage for these services.
Since working with my colleague turned friend in 2017-2018, I have supported 7 women in some capacity during their pregnancy and/or birth. The births range from planned home birth, planned C-Sections, to third term pregnancy lost. No two births are the same and each birthing person and family has required various things. While the proper term for the care and support I have provided is known as a doula, I would argue that how I approach this work is similar to the work I have done as a homegirl.
When my first client asked me to be a doula she gave me some books to read and I attended a free birthing class with her and her husband that was offered by our local hospital. As I was figuring out what she needed I thought to myself that the best way for me to support her was to show up as her homegirl. I’d learned how to be a homegirl through my work with SOLHOT and for us the act of “homegirling” is about the ritual relationship we create with other Black women in our work of creating space(s) for Black girlhood. For me, being a homegirl means I am in deep friendships with women that are cultivated over time, friendships that hold me accountable to my growth as a friend and also my personal growth. Being a homegirl means I am in the business of taking care of and being taken care of by Black women. Being a homegirl means I am safe and not judged. Being a homegirl means I am a shelter and safe haven. So I decided that while I wasn’t sure exactly how to be a doula I would let my role as a homegirl guide my care as a birthing support person. For me this means the care I have provided extends a bit beyond what a doula might do, but for lack of a better word I just call what I do a doula as well.
In my work with families I have cooked for them, helped them organize their baby’s things, massaged them, answered questions about the birthing process, supported the non birthing parent’s questions and emotional needs, provided tools of comfort prior to labor, been present for their actual births both in person and virtually, supported their advocacy of themselves during labor and delivery, and held them while they journeyed toward healing. Now, I will say that all of the people I have supported thus far have been people who are very closely connected to me. It seems like once one person delivers their baby a close friend or family member announces their pregnancy next and wants my support. Once I saw how this need was showing up in my personal life I completed my formal training as a doula and will complete my certification this year. I believe both the experiential knowledge and formal knowledge are necessary for me to continue to do this necessary work of supporting Black women during pregnancy and labor and delivery.
I wholeheartedly believe that Black women need support and EACH OTHER when they are growing and bringing forth miracles and it is an example of the ways Black girlhood spirituality is realized and felt. One way that I support my argument of Black Girlhood spirituality is using the work of Womanist theologian, Renita Weems who connects spirituality directly to Black girls. In Showing Mary: How women can share prayers, wisdom, and the blessings of God (2002), Weems explores the spirituality and spiritual journey of Black girls and women through the story of Mary, the mother of Jesus. According to Weems, due to Nazareth’s location and an understanding of the people who lived there, in addition to understanding the bible through a Black woman’s lens, Mary was and is a Black girl. Weems provides in-depth context that allows readers to consider spiritual journeys by exploring the context of the setting, Mary’s secular and spiritual identity, and Mary’s relationship to others, namely her cousin Elizabeth. For Weems, Mary’s story beautifully communicates that, for Black girls, “spiritual possibilities are never lacking” (p. 34). Further, we are held accountable to our spiritual possibilities through friendships like the one Mary had with her cousin Elizabeth.
Mary and Elizabeth’s connection amplifies my belief that Black women need each other more than ever during pregnancy and delivery. Mary and Elizabeth were cousins and we all know cousins are our first friends. When Mary learned that she had become pregnant by Spirit she shared the news with the person she trusted the most, Elizabeth. Cousins/homegirls are a gift from heaven because when done right the sacredness of homegirling holds you accountable, envelops you in love, lifts you up and holds you when you reach your lowest of lows. I’m sure Mary went to Elizabeth one, to find out if she’d gone crazy, two, to get the love and support she needed while she processed everything, and lastly, although I’m sure not final, to have an accountability partner so that Mary could carry out the charge the angel of God spoke over her life.
I fashion my work as a doula with this key relationship in mind. When Black women, Mary’s in their own regard, come to me and seek my support I provide a listening ear to talk through fears all the while using my education to provide answers or help them develop questions to get the answers they need. I envelop them in love and care that lets them know it is not just about the baby they are carrying, but about them as a vessel. I hold them accountable and literally help them push joy into the world.
As I journey through this important work of being a doula I want to continue using Black girlhood spirituality as evidence through homegirling as my northern star while I grow in education and training that will allow me to hold the fears, excitement, pain, and growth of birthing people. After all, for Black women, our relationships with one another is how we will continue to birth both literal and figurative miracles into our lives. This is a truth I will hold on to forever.
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