Cheers to 2025

This year I raised my glass to toast to a lot; however, this year’s toasts were different. They were all non-alcoholic drinks. That’s right, at the time of this blog (December 23, 2025), I am 357 days sober from alcohol and THC. 

I was confronted with the thought of being sober in 2025 twice in 2024, so I decided to take it on and see if I could master it. A few of my friends reminded me that in previous years (especially in graduate school), I would often engage in OctSober, dedicating the entire month to sobriety from alcohol. One of my homegirls remembers how much she hated to see me and October coming, lol. Meanwhile, I had forgotten that this was my thing. I remember one October being OctSober, but I didn’t recall the multiple years I celebrated.

It’s not that I believe I have a substance abuse problem because I do not. But every now and again, I like to give my body a break, and with parents who were substance abusers, you can never be too sure. Challenging myself felt important. 

This year I sought sobriety for clarity, and I got super clear on a few things. Outside of the social aspect of drinking, letting it go this year was not hard at all. Before this year’s commitment, my body was having a hard time processing liquor. Three drinks max, and I was fighting for my life the next morning. Sometimes it didn’t even take that many, but for sure, gone were the late-20s/early-30s ways of drinking. The liquor always seemed to be drinking me. So when I felt this spiritual pull toward sobriety, it wasn’t too dismaying.

I recall in January, a homegirl’s birthday party was the hardest event. Newly sober, the girls were ready to turn up and were so blown that I wasn’t participating. I tried to ensure I was fully participating otherwise, so yes, I wanted to play all the games. Of course I wanted to line dance. That was my first sober event, and I learned that without the adult beverages, I would have to bring a bubbly social personality. If you know me, you know this took work. I wouldn’t characterize myself as warm, and it takes me a while to warm up, but I survived. I made it through summertime Chi, backyard gatherings, a family reunion, a wedding celebration, and even a bar crawl, sober.

My homegirl introduced me to many NA cocktails and beverage options, and I learned my way around an NA cocktail menu. The best drinks came from Virtue (the Coconut Lady), Recess had a really good NA sangria, and Steak 48’s Passionfruit Margarita was really delicious. After a while, even if I wanted to drink, those around me were rooting for me to stay committed and withheld the liquor I almost poured up. Listen, deciding to raw-dog life got real spicy in the fourth quarter of this year, and a stiff drink absolutely should have been my portion. 

The liquor was easy, but the THC was certainly tricky because it had become a regular part of my nighttime routine. After long days of taking and meeting requests at work, commuting, serving, or hanging out in the city, I would take a bath or shower and have a preroll. It was the perfect end to a day and guaranteed I’d be asleep in no time.

I preferred not to be high in public, so coming home and unwinding in this way felt personal and all mine. Giving up THC was by far the hardest thing this year. But like the problem solver that I am, I found a new way to unwind. Showers and baths were still involved, but I turned to tea and adaptogen drinks like Recess. I was also introduced to audiobooks this year, so my bath time has been significantly upgraded.

It was a challenge, but I made it through the year without THC.

In addition to my sobriety, I learned to trust myself. As I’ve written previously, in 2024 that I began taking swim lessons, and this year I took it to the next level by learning to tread and swim in deep water. After freaking out during my first lesson in 12 feet of water and letting the cheers of eight-year-olds push me to jump off the diving board, I came back to my next lessons fearless and ready to take on the challenge.

I succeeded, and I have the video to prove it. Turns out, I actually prefer deep water. With all that water, it was much easier to be buoyant. Ultimately, what I learned is that trusting myself is all in my breath, taking the time to breathe and relax. Trusting myself means listening to the voice within that is encouraging and knows that I can absolutely do hard things. When I let doubt creep in, it takes my breath away and, in fact, causes me to sink. 

In 2025, I also learned to honor my “no.”

There are benefits to my desire to maybe go back to my teenage years. For example, I’d get to be with all my loved ones I’ve lost. My responsibilities would be limited. My grandmother would have purchased the glasses I needed this year, and the standing biweekly hair appointments I need would be covered as well. Yet here I am, paying for all the things I once took for granted lol.

But outside of those benefits, there is nothing I enjoy more than being an adult. Being an adult means I can do what I want to do, go where my money says I can go, and most importantly, I don’t have to do ANYTHING I do not want to do. That is my favorite perk of adulthood. 

Because of that, this year I learned to lean into my no more. Using no as a complete sentence. If I’m not feeling it, I simply decline. No more going out of my way because it’s the “right thing” to do or to avoid discomfort from others. I finally understand the therapy lesson that I cannot control people’s reactions to my actions. I move knowing I have good intentions and mean no harm. I cannot control how others receive that, but I can be open to hearing their perspective while still honoring my no. In 2026, I will be saying yes more so I can get outside more, but I know I can always rely on and honor my no.

2025 also helped me usher out my self-sacrificing ways. I love nothing more than helping and supporting those I love; however, this year I realized just how much I am willing to put my own health and care on the line in order to “save” another. First of all, Jesus already died to save us all. There is nothing I can do to save anyone but myself. I just needed that reminder.

I have long leaned into my nurturing, deeply caring self. I thought it was noble, and I know that is how I show love. But it’s not sustainable. I was taking care of everyone else while I was going down like Mary. There was no denying it, I could feel the physiological toll this deep care was taking on my body. 

Although it hurt and was uncomfortable, I had to learn how to step back. This was hard because it went against how I’ve always shown up for others, and I didn’t want people in my life to think I no longer cared. It’s not that I don’t care, I just care differently. I’m learning what it truly means to walk alongside and support those I love. They don’t have to choose what I would choose for myself. I can weigh in with wisdom, or I can simply be a listening ear.

In the last quarter of this year, I gained a new therapist, and she is so good. Not that my previous therapist wasn’t, my girl Raven got me to this point and gave me the tools I needed. I just needed a change. The work I’m doing with Kanosha feels like the self-transformation I’ve been needing. I’m doing deep healing work, and it’s evident in my strengthened no and my continued distance from self-sacrificing patterns.

2025 had moments of hard, but it was very necessary. I’m so excited about 2026 and all the goodness it will bring. While I don’t know if I’ll be completely sober in 2026, I do know I’ll likely live a life that is sober-ish—more sober than not.

I look forward to new connections and relationships in the new year, but more than anything, I look forward to living out my word for 2026: intention. I want to be intentional in all areas of my life, particularly my finances and intentional in the relationships and friendships I already have. Rather than focusing on making new friends (though I welcome them), I want to ensure plans with people I love make it out of the text messages. More check-ins, less surface-level connection. I’ll be making more phone calls for sure in 2026 lol.

Finally, in 2025 I drew closer to my faith, and I’m deeply grateful for that. I look forward to more of this in 2026 as well.

As we close another year, I pray the Lord meets you right where you are and pours out blessings even more abundantly in the year ahead.