Black Girl Genius Week 2022 Reflection
“Are you sure, sweetheart, that you want to be well?… Just so's you're sure, sweetheart, and ready to be healed, cause wholeness is no trifling matter. A lot of weight when you’re well.” Salt Eaters by Toni Cade Bambara
A lot of weight when you’re well.
I’m so glad that Dr. Brown gave this to her new Dean and that he has taken it on as his new biblical text. The Salt Eaters by Toni Cade is “the long reading” and going back to it means you are interested in doing the real work, root work.
I thought I was well. The entrance of my 34th year has confirmed I am more than ready to be well. I have all the tools I need and more. I finally feel most confident in who and who’s I am. I am confident in the life I am creating for myself and the peace that comes with that. Black Girl Genius Week 2022 put a lot of emphasis on that last part though, A lot of weight when you’re well.
I was finally able to complete Salt Eaters when I was really writing my dissertation. I was struggling just like Minnie to get to the point where I was supposed to be in the truth of who I was. So many of us who attended BGGW 2022 in East Lansing, Michigan had not spent this much time with one another in years, so there was a lot of reminiscing on the good, the bad, the ugly, but necessary times.
Cha-Cha reminded me of a time in SOLHOT I’d forgotten about until she brought it up. She reminded me that during the very first Black Girl Genius Week in 2014 one of the girls shared during our face to face session that her baby brother (3 or 4) passed away and she was pretty distraught about it, obviously. Cha-Cha says she called me over and I immediately came to where she and the girl were. We, along with a few others, formed a circle and started praying for this girl. After she recalled the time I did start remembering some of the details. I said that it must have been the grief of my dad’s failing health that caused me to forget that time. That was such a very dark and lonely time in my life. More than grief I know now (hindsight 20/20) that I was also not ready to accept that part of who I am, someone who is extremely sensitive to Spirit.
A few years later, before Boo transitioned I asked him about our origin story and how I came to live with him and my paternal grandmother. He let me know my maternal grandmother called him and said that she could not take care of me and he said that he and grandma Lurine could. That story resonated in my spirit as a yes, without hesitation. I only remember this account because Sharieka, who moderated this year’s BGGW artists panel reminded me of what I wrote in March 2021. Boo had just passed and Salandra asked me to speak on “who are you loving for” for the SOLKit premiere. I had to find what I wrote because I agreed with Shrieka there was lots of goodness there. BUT, I’d forgotten that I even wrote it. I found it, titled it, and read it.
Grief.
And maybe disbelief.
Yes, grief impacts your memory in that you may lose certain memories to preserve yourself. I say maybe disbelief as well because during the first BGGW I was literally still in denial about what my work focused on. I was still running.
I thought of Boo and my grandmother taking me in as a yes without hesitation and I wondered what my yes without hesitation is. Through my experiences this summer and BGGW 2022 I know that my “yes” is showing up to serve in a spiritual capacity without hesitation. I am leaning into myself as that girl. I think I have done this more, but what would it mean to study this about myself and take a deeper dive into my practices.
What I love most about Nikky Finney is that she always makes it a point to connect Dr. Brown and SOLHOT to Chicago women artists. This time she made the connection to Margaret T. Burroughs who was a visual artist and poet. Burroughs helped develop the Southside Community Art center. The space that Dr. B and her colleagues are creating is next level, certain, and really a good example of holy futurity. It’s a good example because I am locating sites where Black girls’ subjectivity is taken up differently and also spaces where the future is enacted now. Dr. B is running a Black Studies department, not a gender women and studies departmen, not a queer studies program. BUT, all the things that you would not find to be central to a Black studies department is central to this department–Black Feminism, Furturism, Love, Creativity and otherworld making, living and making sense of the grey/grays. I’m excited to see how this department will grow.
Reading the stars in the night light. This talk between Dr. Brown and Nikky Finney was held at the planetarium. This was the first time I’d been to a planetarium and for sure the first time I’ve sat through a star reading. Nayda was so good. How many Black girl astrophysicists do you meet and then for her to be so well versed in star/galaxy/greek mythology?! I was blown away. I wondered what it takes to nurture that skill set in a household. Like what’s the recipe? 6 cups of questions, 15 cups of love, pitch of genius? I appreciate Nikky Finney’s urging of Nata to let go of the dominant narratives of the sky and stars and for her to lean more into her poetic retellings. I can use a few more cups of that.
Of course I always enjoy Nikky Finney telling of her relationship with Toni Cade Bamabara. Now, my house being a mess would be indicative of my mood and mental health so I can’t let those dishes sit, but what I did hear during her retelling of how Toni Cade worked on her writing projects and Redwood’s reflections is that we are still working toward holding and sitting with a thought. I may not let the dishes sit, but I am for sure glad that I am letting go of my second job so I can get serious about my spiritual work of writing and being a “doula.” I use quotation marks because I’ll have more on that in my next post.
I’m also thinking with Blair. I believe we are both trying to find/map/hold onto the teachings of our parents who have passed on. I heard Blair speak at the end of her panel conversation about a particular song and what messages her Dad might be trying to convey. I am also thinking about the song As in that way and seeing it as my dad’s way of preparing me for the future. As an enactment of futurity in the way that Black feminism envokes it. See Tina Campt.
Sheri is back. What a on-time blessing. We got a chance to reflect on what caused our relationship to take a deep pause, what we thought we knew as undergraduates, what we now know as women, and that so much time passed. Almost 10 years since we were in community together organizing and growing a friendship. That was more time than she and I were friends, but it hadn’t felt that long. So much happened, but this sequence of events was necessary.
When I think about how much time did elapse it seems criminal to have even acted in a way where we thought time was on our side. But, we are still here learning a new way to be in community and be accountable to ourselves and one another. All good things may not happen when we want them, but they are always on time.
In addition to SOLHOT, now organizing around Black Girlhood at the intersection of both art and sexual assault I am now more than ever certain of the labor and skills that it takes to create spaces of celebration and healing. To organize with Black girlhood at the center and to do so in a way that affirms Black girls and encourages their voice and expertise requires Spirit and spiritual practice(s) to be involved. There must be rituals involved that center the organizers, participants, and energy you wish to evoke in a space. Black girls and women are in both physical and spiritual battles so you have to be girded properly.
What have I taken with me from BGGW 2022? I’m taking reunion with me, I am taking a change of pace and the wherewithal to know when a different pace is needed. I’m taking Spirit with me and how I might continue to be used by Spirit. I am taking love away with me and sweet reminiscing. I am taking redemption with me. I am taking with me dreaming up some wild shit and it actually happening, too. Let’s see what the future holds. All good things right?! What did BGGW 2022 leave you with? What are you taking with you?
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